Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
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All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
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I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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