the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
