i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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