There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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