you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
