and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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