He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
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that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
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I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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