I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
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Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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