do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
