can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
