just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
