bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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