Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
