i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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