I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
