How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
