omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
