broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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