Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i out mim tonsoeep
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