Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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