I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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