I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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