WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
