Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
