I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
