I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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