When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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