sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
