you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
