I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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