??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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