You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
