dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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