After last night, I could never be a politician.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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