oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
