In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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