She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
