I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
