I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
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