Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
