yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
