I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
