Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
