I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
