I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it's like heaven, but drunker
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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