Please, let me fuck your mom
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
