Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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