dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
