Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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