I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
someone owes me an orgasm
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize