i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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