her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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