Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
