is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
