Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
