I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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