This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
sarcasm needs its own font
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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