Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
