If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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