"it" just moved
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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